Sigh.
HEAVY SIGH.
I have been trying to write an article about SIDS for a long time. Every time I get started I have to stop. It hurts my heart too much to go on. As a result of this start-and-stop process, I have collected a sizable amount of information and data, and at this point, trying to organize and write it all up is daunting.
Years ago, when I was extremely active on Facebook and in real life advocacy, it was always the babies that really got to me. I had been writing about autism and regression after vaccination for a long time. I, like so many other parents of children who have been harmed by vaccines, was frustrated because people didn’t listen. They didn’t seem to care about what had happened to our children. We heard things like, “I’d rather have an autistic child than a child who died from measles.” Or chickenpox. Or flu. We were told, “You have bad genes. You’re just looking for something to blame.” And my personal favorite, “Stop believing everything you read on the internet. Trust the medical professionals.”
It's maddening and frustrating to spend so much time trying to help people who don’t want to be helped. They don’t want to know. They continue to vaccinate their children, and if we actually know them and maybe even love them, it’s traumatizing to us as we hold our breath and pray nothing terrible happens. If I’m being truly honest, sometimes we actually pray that “something” happens – just not something BIG. Something that is enough to cause them to pause and actually think about what they are doing. Something that is enough to make them listen. Enough to make them stop. Before something BIG really does happen.
I don’t remember when it started, but at some point, I started getting the stories of the babies. It began slowly, with a message here and there. And then they started coming on a more frequent basis. And then it got to the point where on an almost daily basis I was receiving at least one, and sometimes more than one message about a baby who had died or was in the hospital after “routine” vaccinations given at “well-child check-ups” – aka vaccine appointments.
The impact of this on my health and well-being was… heavy sigh… Detrimental. With a capital D. And then one day, as I was sitting, as I am now, with tears streaming down my face, sobbing as I read yet another message about a baby that died, I suddenly felt a shift. A realization. A “message,” if you will. I didn’t “hear” it out loud. I didn’t “hear” it with my ears. I heard it and felt it in my heart and in my soul. “Stop grieving and be grateful.”
There is a reason why I am here at this time. If you are reading this, you may feel the same sense of purpose, or mission, that I feel. I was born in Southern California. My family attended a Christian Church and I was raised with the belief that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, and that He came to Earth in the form of a human, was persecuted, and died on the cross so that I might be forgiven and experience eternal life if I believe in Him. I do. I have a deep, personal relationship with Jesus. Something I do not have is the belief (or “knowledge”) that my beliefs are the “only true beliefs.” I have studied enough about comparative religions to know that the stories that are told in the Holy Books are the same stories. I believe there is much more that we don’t know about life, death, the soul, and what happens when we leave this plane than what we were taught as children, in whichever “religion” we happened to be born into.
Now that we have that out of the way… let’s talk about the soul. More specifically, the continuity of the soul. The energy that is our essence. Energy never dies. It just changes form. For me, my deep “knowing” is that the “soul” is our energy. It is what we are. And it does not die. The Buddhist belief in reincarnation resonates with me. I have read several books on reincarnation, including Dr. Raymond Moody’s book, Life After Life, in which he reports on near-death experiences. And then I read about James Leininger. His parents have written a book about his experiences. It’s called Soul Survivor. Here is the synopsis:
This is the story of James Leininger, who-- a little more than two weeks after his second birthday-- began having blood-curdling nightmares that just would not stop. When James began screaming out recurring phrases like, "Plane on fire! Little man can't get out!" the Leiningers finally admitted that they truly had to take notice.
When details of planes and war tragedies no two-year-old boy could know continued-- even in stark daylight-- Bruce and Andrea Leininger began to realize that this was an incredible situation. Soul Survivor is the story of how the Leiningers pieced together what their son was communicating and eventually discovered that he was reliving the past life of World War II fighter pilot James Huston. As Bruce Leininger struggled to understand what was happening to his son, he also uncovered details of James Huston's life-- and death-- as a pilot that will fascinate military buffs everywhere.
In Soul Survivor, we are taken for a gripping ride as the Leiningers' belief system is shaken to the core, and both of these families come to know a little boy who, against all odds and even in the face of true skeptics, harbors the soul of this man who died long ago.
You may be wondering if I have gone off the rails. What does this have to do with vaccines? Or SIDS?
That day, when I was sitting with my grief, out of nowhere I felt a huge shift. A calming of my body and my mind. A change in how I viewed all of these deaths of these precious babies. Part of my belief in the continuity of the soul is that we have soul-families, and that we choose our parents and our mission this time around before making our entrance into this lifetime on the day of our “birth.” I believe this is Earth School. We are here to learn and we are here to accomplish certain things during this lifetime. The progression of the soul occurs over multiple lifetimes – this is where the label, “Old Soul” comes in. An “old soul” is one who has been here many times before and who just seems to “know” things they shouldn’t know. They are wise from birth. It’s like they know what they are here to accomplish and they are just ready to do it. And so. On that day. I “heard” the message, “Stop grieving and be grateful.”
This paradigm we are currently living in; this “war on infectious diseases” is seriously harming and killing babies and children across the world. Nobody listens to parents of children who have been diagnosed with “autism.” There is a comfort level that is almost haughty in the belief that “It’s bad genes,” and “It won’t happen to me.”
It’s a lot easier to ignore children with autism. It’s difficult to ignore when babies die.
It’s really hard for me, even now, years after having this realization that these are very advanced souls who know what they are signing up for before they come into this lifetime. There is a part of me, and it’s a big part, that believes these souls are very happy with their existence in the “other realms” of consciousness, and they can’t wait to get back there. So, they come into this realm and they leave again very quickly. And they make a BIG difference in the short time they are here. The ripple effect of what happens when a precious infant dies within hours of vaccination is huge. It’s undeniable, at least to most people. There will always be those who cannot be reached, for whatever reason. I am just glad that I’m not one of them.
“Stop grieving and be grateful.” It’s a really tough thing to do. But it is something that I have tried to do with my advocacy work. I want to honor the lives that have been lost. I want to say their names. I want to feel the pain of their families and to let them know that they are loved, valued, and remembered. Just like the families of all soldiers in all wars. And I want to be grateful for the sacrifice they have made.
Sigh.
It’s a struggle. It’s why it’s been so difficult for me to write about SIDS. I couldn’t begin to write about SIDS without first laying the groundwork and doing the mental/spiritual work and explaining my position on this issue.
As I once again sit here with tears streaming down my face, I know this will be a difficult task. I will need to break things down into smaller chunks. This topic is so big and so painful, I will need to step away and come back, taking breaks for self-care and to remind myself to “Stop grieving and be grateful.”
My intention is to write several articles that will focus on SIDS, or VIDS – Vaccine Induced Death Syndrome. My intention is to do this in such a way as to not overwhelm myself, or you. I would be very grateful if you would please pray for me as I go through this process. Pray for strength. Pray for clarity. Pray for me to be able to communicate effectively and in such a way that the message of these old souls is received by those who need to hear it most. Because that is the mission. That is the purpose. It is not my job, nor is it my will, to beat anyone over the head with tragic stories of loss. It is my intention to present facts and to present the stories of those who have left us in such a way that their memories are honored, and their sacrifices are not forgotten. And their mission – to spare others the pain and suffering of what their families have endured – is recognized, honored, and preserved.
I firmly believe that my son who was severely vaccine injured (DPT vaccine) and has since died came to be of service to humanity. I went to see a psychic in an effort to understand the challenge of caring for a severely disable child with an uncontrolled seizure disorder. My question to the psychic was - Will my son live? Her answer was - "Have no fear, the son will outlive the father as he should." Then I asked - "What will he be when he grows up?" Her answer - "He will be what he already is and that is a teacher." My son did not physically outlive me, but I believe his service will out live me.
I feel this so deeply. I’m in the having babies period of my life and so are my friends. I have shed many tears and spent a lot of time praying for their babies on doctor appointment days. But I’m too scared to tell them because they were so mad at me and refused to see me or talk to me when I refused the Covid shots. The relationships have never recovered. When they ask how my son has done with shots my response is just ‘so far so good.’
I am praying for you and so thankful for your work. It has given me so much strength as I work against the system to keep my babies healthy.